I'm in love with fictional guys. And maybe K-Pop boybands.

I have only a day and a half left in China.

In that amount of time, I must start and finish a 2,000 word paper on Journey to the West that I was halfway through completing, when the screen on my laptop turned green, then purple, then just froze. Now it'll turn on, but the screen won't come to life. Like a laptop coma.

Besides that, I really have nothing to report. It's weird thinking I'll be leaving China. I feel like I just got here, but another part of me feels like I've been here all my life.

Also, I'm very frustrated to report that today, I finally discovered the only English channel on my TV. Oh, what's that? Oh, it's only my favorite channel, the DISCOVERY CHANNEL. I WATCHED DIRTY JOBS. WITH CHINESE SUBTITLES. FATE. WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW THIS TO ME SOONER, LIKE THE FIRST WEEK I WAS HERE, NOT THE LAST WEEK. NOT TWO DAYS BEFORE I LEAVE CHINA. WHYYYYYYY.

Ah, but I'm not really that frustrated. Well, right now. Because I'm listening to Super Junior.



Oh, hey there guy fourth from the left.

I've also realized I have unrealistic expectations in guys. Specifically the guy I'm "meant to be with". Probably because the only guys I like are fictional orange haired asians who have super powers, or fictional black haired asians who also have super powers (and their name may or may be Hei which IS Chinese for black), or guys in Miyazaki's films, or k-pop stars, or timelords who go about saving the world and time travelling in their blue police box spaceship, or Matthew Bellamy when he was in his early 20s and spiked his hair/dyed it....

You get the picture.

I think I'm fated to be alone for the rest of my life. I'm alright with that though. As long as I can adopt asian children. That's all I really need.

But in more serious news.

I never get serious on here, so I don't like the way this is shifting anymore than you do.

However, I need to get this off my chest without mentioning any names. It's been bothering me ever since I found out a couple of days ago.

One thing that scares me so much about other people, is that you really don't know who they are. You may think you know them, and understand how they tick, and think you've got them all figured out. But the truth is, you have no idea. It's so easy to act one way, and then act completely different the next moment. That's one reason I never want to get into a relationship, because people can change. Or just be who you never expected them to be.

It's so hard for me to be friends with someone, when part of me just wants to call them names they deserve to be called, or when part of me wants to punch them in the face.

How can people who seem like the nicest people in the world, turn out to be massive jerks who use people just to get what they want with no regard for other people's emotions?

Boys. are. so. STUPID.

That's it. I don't want to keep ranting and raving．I mean, I could. But I won't. Just don't prove me right people. Please. Just be nice, and don't use people, or lie to them, or only tell them part of the truth. Treat others the way you want to be treated and stuff. If you want to be lied to, and cheated on, then there's something seriously wrong with you. And maybe someone should punch you in the face.

I don't really know how to transition from that.

But.

You want to know what happens in five days?

THE DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

:D

:D

This could possibly be the best present. Ever. Thank you BBC.

Actually, I can't decide if I'm more excited about the Christmas special, or Christmas. It's a pretty close tie.

Anyways, I'm going to read through this and check for spelling mistakes, because this computer doesn't do that nifty red squiggly when I mispell things. So I'm sorry if there are any painful mistakes.

Also, I‘m determined to bring everything back with me to America. I think I can make everything fit... and at this point, if I have to pay extra, then whatever dudeman. Doesn't make sense to me why I should pay 75 dollars for having 5 more pounds of weight then I should, but whatever. The systems in place so the plane doesn't crash. I get it.

Regardless, the next time I post, I will be in America, and typing from a computer that doesn't keep turning my english words into random Chinese characters. You have no idea how frustrating this is. And I　ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｈａｖｅ　ｔｏ　ｗｒｉｔｅ　２，０００　ｗｏｒｄｓ．　Ｓｅｅ？　ＳＥＥ　ＷＨＡＴ　ＩＴ'Ｓ　ＤＯＩＮＧ.　ＷＨＡＴ　ＩＳ　ＴＨＩＳ　ＳＣＲＩＰＴ.　Ｉ　ＤＯＮ'Ｔ　ＥＶＥＮ　ＵＮＤＥＲＳＴＡＮＤ.

Have fun with your life and stuffs people.

And please, please, PLEASE don't turn into a horrible person overnight.

Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry

I would like to share my current obsession with you.

K-pop.

Specifically... Super Junior.

This photo reminds me of Durarara!!! (the actual title of the manga/anime has exclamation points.... FYI).

Oh. Hey there.

They're like Backstreet Boys, but waaay better because there are three times the amount of guys and they're freaking ASIAN.

Watching their videos gives me the false expectation that I, too, can dance. 

Which I totally can.

Also. If by chance they happen to have a show near me. I'm totally there. Like shareware.

[I would like to take this moment to thank Guiliani (my friend who's obsessed with Korea/Koreans/K-pop) for giving me that k-pop mix (which she doesn't remember giving me) that had Super Junior on it.]

You know that question, "If you could have any super power what would it be?" and people always give horribly cliched boring answers like "invisibility" or "reading minds" or whatever? Well, now my "super power" has changed. I wish I had the power to summon musicians. First I would have to do some kind of ritual of course, like whip out some scroll and shout something, I don't know, like "音乐！来!" and that's when they would appear in a puff of smoke.

Think of how handy that would be. You're walking to class, when you see what's-her-face, coming straight towards you. You swore to yourself that what's-her-face was your archenemy ever since that time she flirted with that guy you had a crush on but never had a shot with. In an effort to create confusion, before she could brag to you about how her and Tommy McAbs are dating, you summon Super Junior to avert attention away from yourself. Or you could summon some band from the UK that I talk about obsessively so I'll try not to use their band name BUT the bassist and drummer also have December birthdays and the singer/guitarist/pianist/10th-Doctor-look-a-like is engaged to someone whose name rhymes with Hate Mudson.

Also, I would save so much money on concerts.

So. Much.

Oh I didn't mention? I also summon an entire stage, not just the musician(s). And baozi. Just because. That way I could end world hunger and provide a show.

I've already made a decision to buy a Super Junior CD before I leave [it is essential for my survival. And the plane ride back to the states which is in 15 days.]. Except this time, when I try to find the book store, I won't get horribly lost.

Flashback....

So there I was. Monday. Specifically, November 28. Our group had grown used to staying in the apartment (at least those of us who aren't dating someone/potentially dating someone) and watching shows we bought LEGALLY from the night market. I was growing tired of watching shows, especially since I had already finished Pushing Daisies (WHY WAS IT CANCELLED), Big Bang Theory, and How I Met Your Mother... and my stash of unwatched shows was reaching a dangerous low. No one else wanted to go with me, because they were tired/watching shows/BEING BORING so I went off by myself.

Well, I found the 21 bus. The problem was that there were like four 21 buses. I just sort of creeped on Chinese businessmen and figured out which one to go on. I sat down in a seat, and began to listen to music through my big headphones I bought from the night market, counting down the number of stops we approached. I was supposed to get off at the 8th stop. Well, the 8th stop was practically 100 feet away from the 7th stop, so as the bus stopped I was slightly confused, but regardless I made an effort to get up. This brings me to the definition of a Space Invader.

Space Invader, n.
1) An individual who is unaware of society's "personal space".
2) An individual who will chose to stand next to your seat, instead of sitting in one of the 20 empty seats, blocking you in.
3) Said individual will also answer their phone ("WEI?! NIHAO!!!")...and talk in an unnecessarily loud voice.
4) Even though you're obviously trying to get out of your seat, said "space invader" won't move, so you develop the Chinese custom of pushing and shoving.

Long story short... I didn't manage to get off the bus in time. I couldn't even play it off cool, like "Oh I'm just getting ready to get off at the next stop." I made an obvious dash for the doors, only to have them shut coldly into my face. Me not knowing how to yell at the driver, just stood there awkwardly knowing that EVERYONE on the bus was aware that I had missed my stop.

Well, I figured I would just get off at the next stop and walk back a bit.. right?

Wrong.

We drove for like 15 minutes. So basically I backtracked forever. Only to realize... the book store wasn't at the "8th stop" like I thought it was. I had unintentionally gotten off at the right stop.

So I just went to Starbucks.

That's not the end of the story. Don't you worry.

As I was walking along, enjoying the view (I discovered pathways with trees!) I heard someone saying "Nihao! Hi! Nihao!" and just thought "Agh whyyyyyyy" but turned around and said "Nihao". Of course the conversation didn't end there. The man continued to talk to me in Chinese. I have no idea what he was saying. It didn't even sound Chinese. It sounded like... I dunno. Something equally as horrible. I did hear him say the word for friend, but besides that is anyone's guess. He continued to try and have a conversation with me, so I told him I was American. Actually, I wish I told him that. I told him I was America. And that, instead of studying at the University, I was studying the university. I then told him "我的汉语不好“, ("My Chinese is not good") and he just smiled, and said some other sentence with the word "朋友“ "friend" in it.... and then he asked me where I was going. I figured that, since even in America it's not good to tell strangers where you live/where you're going/ your social security number, I just told him "I don't know" in Chinese. He nodded (YEA THAT'S RIGHT I'M NOT STUPID YOU CHINESE DUDEMAN) and I said bye in Chinese... then I awkwardly sped walked ahead cause we were basically going in the same direction.

I've recently figured out that google will tell you what bus to take, and the number of stops. So the next time I go, hopefully I will get my CD. Also, hopefully I will remember to add "ren" to "Meigou" so I can tell people I'm American and not America.

That's enough ranting and raving for now. And don't you worry, I was/am listening/watching Super Junior music videos on youtube as I wrote/write/edit this entire post.

THAT'S CHINESE AT THE BOTTOM. It means "perfect".

Have fun with your life and stuffs peoples. Until next time.

P.S. My birthday was this past weekend (December 3rd) and it was pretty sweet. I also managed to watch Scott Pilgrim vs. the World into my birthday.

I seriously love this movie. Even if the people I was watching it with thought it was weird. I'm glad they're friends with me enough to watch it with me regardless.

P.P.S. The title of this post is taken from a Super Junior song.

Here, there be 龙

DID YOU KNOW THAT CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI'S BOOK, INHERITANCE, THE FOURTH BOOK IN THE INHERITANCE CYCLE, IS OUT NOW?!

READ AN EXCERPT HERE 

I would buy it here, but I think I might have told my mom I wanted it, and it would probably be the same price as it would be at home (yes people not everything is dirt cheap here, there are some things that are super expensive. I know I'm always talking about cheap things, but I happened to buy a tea cup yesterday for 150 yuan, which is 30 US dollars), and I'm starting to run really low on room in my carry on... so this will have to wait til I get back. Can somebody please read it for me, so I can vicariously live through you. Thanks.

I also tried to see if any of his book signings would take place after I came back to the states... but that's a negative. Why can't I be nerdy... wei shenmeeeeeeee?!

Speaking of dragons, although the western version of dragons looks cool, I think asian dragons are waaay cooler. They're like air snakes or something, and sort of more believable. If dragons are real. Were real. Could be real. Did anyone else see that special about dragons on discovery channel ages ago? Oh you didn't? Me... neither.... *cough*

Regardless, to be completely honest I should really be doing 我的功课(my homework)，but I don't feel like making a sentence using the word "to interpret" or looking up the difference between "有点儿“ or "一点儿“ (they're basically the same thing, just one is used before a noun instead of after). It's just so much wooorrrkkk I'm too lazyyyyy. And we have a dictation tomorrow bleeehhhhhh.

Have I mentioned the difference between Chinese teachers and American teachers? Let me give an example. In school, when I took German, I remember that even though I got the genders wrong on words (like "die" instead of "das") they would still give me credit for having the correct noun after it.

Chinese teachers: if you have the wrong tone mark above the word, it's completely wrong. One stroke is missing from the character? Wrong. Don't have a period 。after your sentence?! 不对！你是不好留学生！FAILURE. YOU ARE A FAILURE TO YOUR COUNTRY, AND YOURSELF. BUT MOSTLY TO CHINA.

I've realized that although I can understand what people are saying, I feel like a little kid who knows how to talk, but doesn't want to. Unfortunately, to get better at Chinese I need to talk. Especially since I only have 二十五天( 25 days) left. Apparently having a Chinese significant other (boyfriend in my case) improves your Chinese vastly. But how do I expect to get a boyfriend in the next 25 days when I never got a boyfriend in the first 21 years (Almost 22! My birthday is in a week!) OF MY LIFE?! HOW?! WHY MUST LIFE BE SO DIFFICULT?!

为什么？！

In other news, I've had this song stuck in my head for like five days.

I keep trying to use this program on my computer that takes the audio from youtube and turns it into an MP3 or 4 or whatever... but it keeps saying file is invalid (MAYBE I'LL INVALID YOUR FACE STUPID PROGRAM).

Whatever man. I wanted it mostly for my playlist I'm already starting on for my trip back to Houghton College, because my OTHER playlist that was TEN HOURS LONG got deleted when they re-imaged my computer. You want to know how long it takes to make another 10 hour playlist?! For-FREAKING-ever! So far, I'm only up to 6.8 hours. So close....


In other other news, yes I managed to celebrate Thanksgiving. And since none of us study abroad students are made of money, and didn't feel like spending a bajillion dollars on turkey (an 8 lb. turkey was over 100 US dollars. To be more exact, 800 kuai. Dudeman. There was like, 12 of us.) we ordered chicken from KFC. We also made pasta, and mashed potatoes, and corn. Since there weren't enough forks, we ate with chopsticks and a giant spoon. I felt like a mixture of cultures as I ate my "American" food in China and cut my chicken with my spoon like I was Thai. Kind of weird.

Also, I'm at that point where, when I'm watching a show, and see the characters making breakfast, or pouring coffee... I lose all focus on the plot and just stare at what they're eating/doing. I miss english muffins. I didn't even realize this until today. I miss being able to blow my nose and my snot not being grey. Flushing my toilet paper. Daylight savings time. The stars.

But when I leave I also realize there will be things I will miss about China. Like Baozi. Or chopsticks. Bus rides. Especially when you take the 79 back from the night market and your bus driver seems to think he's a cab driver and there are no shock absorber things on the wheels, so essentially riding the 79 is akin to riding a roller coaster. Dumplings. With vinegar. So much vinegar. Matuan. Oh matuan I love you. Agh. I'm not ready to leave China yet. NO 25 DAYS. WHY HAVE YOU COME SO QUICKLY. I DON'T WANT IT.

DON'T WAAAAAANT IT.

So have fun with your life and stuffs peoples. The next time I post, I will be 22 years old. The same age as Scott Pilgrim.

I'd rather fund piracy than Lady Gaga

This is not an exaggeration. Also, I drew this during my listening class. Ironic, yes?

................... I am going to be so confused when I come back to America.

In other news.

I finally caved in. I couldn't stand my hairstyle that was slowly morphing into David Bowie's hairstyle in Labyrinth.

That movie. Was weird. Is weird.

Thus, Guiliani, Kelsey and I asked Sukie to accompany us to the hairstylists, because none of us knew how to communicate in Chinese how we wanted our hair done.

(I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but female hairstylists are rare in the land of China.)

(Also, I don't feel comfortable having guys touch my hair)

( D: )

Well, three salons later we finally found a place. There was some European dudeman getting his nails done, and Taylor Swift was blasting over head. All in all it seemed promising. [On a sidenote, I'm pretty sure the amount of time it took for all the hairstylists there to style their hair that morning was far greater then the amount of time I've spent on my hair. Ever.]

In case Sukie, our Chinese friend, wasn't able to describe how I wanted my hair cut, I provided my stylist dudeman with a photo and said "Wo yao" (I want). He then proceeded to cut my hair. May I also add this man was a perfectionist. When I thought he had finally finished cutting my hair I thought it looked fine, but nope. He continued to stare at my hair, move the back of it to see how it moved, cut a little bit off, stared at it some more, snipped a bit there, read poetry, studied it some more, rocked out to "It's too late to apologize", cut some more....

You get the idea.

He then proceeded to hairspray it. In my mind I thought "hey, it's raining, he's probably just making sure it still looks good or whatever."

Wrong.

I looked like I just jumped out of an 80's music video when he was done with it. I didn't know my hair was capable of such volume. Once we got out of sight of the salon's front window, I quickly put my hood over my head, hoping the nest on top would settle down.

Crazy volume aside, it was one of the best haircuts I've ever received. Seeing as how it cost 35 kuai (less than 6 dollars) I plan on going back before I leave to get a trim.

Also, I met Heely Boy again today. It was awkward. But we're on a hello basis. So that's cool.

And I've also managed to befriend a small calico that lives outside the apartment. I've named it Xiăo-xiăo. "Xiăo" (pronounced 'shiao shiao') - 小 - means "small" in Chinese. He's really small and slightly dirty, but he's so cute and I feed it whenever I can. The guard who's usually at the entrance to the parking lot is also playing with him a lot.

Oh I should probably mention the title of my post.

I bought a Lady Gaga cd. Specifically a pirated Lady Gaga cd from some back room place in an electronics shop that used a door made out of cardboard to hide its stock from potential police dudemen. We didn't notice the door until we had been in there for 15 minutes. We figured they just lured foreigners there with movies, then killed them.

I'm still alive.

And I own a ton of movies.

Please customs, don't take my movies away from me.

Well, that's all for now. So have fun with your life and stuffs.

That time I met my Soulmate

This is meant to fill the void of a comic I drew. This was taken December 3rd, 2010.

Alright. So, for those of you who don't know, I own a pair of Heelys. The shoes with the wheels in them. No, they're not for children. Yes, you can buy Adult Heelys. No they don't just come in the lame runner shoe model. Yes, you can get them online. Quit asking me where I got them when THE INTERNET exists. Google it.

I would tell you why I got them, but that involves a youtuber you may or may not know of, whose name may or may not rhyme with Robuscus. I never knew adult Heelys for adults existed until I started following his channel... so there. There's the boring story.

Regardless.

I have never, ever, ever ever ever met another person (by person I mean older than 12) who was also wearing heelies. (One of my friends had heelies, but unfortunately he lost the wheels to his, so that dream of heelying about Houghton Campus was quickly thrust deep into the bowels of the earth, straight into the gates of hell).

I will now tell you the story of how I met my potential soulmate/BFFL, and let the oppurtunity crumble through my fingers like the grains of sand that make up our very lives.

It was just like any other night at the apartment. I was just finishing up my homework for Grammar class, when I called Kelsey to see what she was doing for dinner. She informed me that her and Guiliani were both in the mood to eat out at a Korean restaurant down the street, and I told her I would also be up for that. We decided to meet up outside the gate by the International Dorm. Gathering my things in my Totoro backpack, I set off for the elevator (Well in all honesty I was wearing my Heelys, so really I wheeled off).

I pressed the down arrow for the elevator then waited a moment as the elevator stopped at a floor above. As the elevator reached my floor, the doors opened up to reveal a Chinese dudeman, about my age/height on the elevator, with his bike. I saw him kind of look at me, and that entire week people kept looking at me because of my height and I was prepared to tell him I normally wasn't that tall and it was just my Heelys that made me 6 feet tall, but I stopped myself, because he probably didn't know English and if he did I would sound like a crazy person.

Well the elevator finally reached the first floor, and I stepped out first. There being a slight slope outside the entrance to the building, I took the chance to gain some speed and Heely-ed down it. I heard the guy get on his bike and I saw from my periphs that he was about to pass me, when I saw him stop and say something to me. I turned and said "What?" and he pointed at my shoes and said "Heelies". This made me happy. But to tell you the truth, what happened next is probably one of the top 5 coolest things that has ever happened in my life (I don't know what the other four are, but seeing Muse live is one of them, and toboganning down the Great Wall is another).

He proceeded to lift his left shoe, and there, on the heel of his shoe, was a wheel.

He was wearing Heelies.

Then he heelied, with his bike. He was heelying alongside his bike.

I think I was freaking out, but I honestly don't know.

We then began to share where we purchased our respective Heely's. He order his from taobao.com (the Chinese equivalent of eBay) and I told him I got mine from Zappos. He then said something like "American shoe!" and I nodded. Then we just awkwardly stood there, neither of us sure what to say next. Plus I had to meet my friends still. So we departed and he said "Bye!" and I said "Nice meeting you!" But just as those words fell from my mouth, onto the pavement below, it hit me.

How can you MEET someone when you never TOLD THEM YOUR NAME.

D:


If my life was, say a French romantic comedy movie, then I could just leave signs up, asking for the guys name. But 1) my life's not a movie, 2) there are 12 floors above my own, and that's a lot of paper, 3) he might have been visiting someone so he may or may not live here and d) what if he has a girlfriend and my asking his name might be considered creepy in Chinese culture?


So days passed. Seasons changed. Until, five days later, when I had given up all hope....


My and Guiliani were taking the elevator down to go eat lunch, and as we got off the elevator, a boy with his bicycle was waiting to get on.


But,


like an IDIOT


I didn't say anything.


As we were walking away, I cried out to the sky, asking why I was so inept at communicating with other homo sapiens. Then Guiliani mentioned we would be able to find out where he lived if we ran back to see what floor he got off at.


He lives on seventh floor.


Currently, I'm on the sixth floor.


Will we meet again? Who knows.


But that's the story of how I met Heely Boy.


So have fun with your life and stuff.

Welcome to Class 1.4

Children pee in the streets, and people of all shapes and sizes spit. Anywhere and everywhere. Also, may I point out how this comic resembles those pictures where you have to count the differences. This is kind of like that. In the fact that IT'S ALL DIFFERENT.

This comic was hand drawn. This is mostly because I was bored to death last night while waiting two hours in my room for the repairman to fix my toilet. I've been flushing my toilet with the power of bucket water for the past three weeks cause I've been too lazy to go down and ask them to repair it.

I'm happy to announce I can now properly flush my toilet.

Although this afternoon I noticed that my toilet keeps making a sound like I flushed it, when I never did, and all the water in the back tank is gone... so it will probably be another 3 weeks until I stop procrastinating life and ask for help again.

Regardless, this past weekend I went to Beijing. Instead of boring you with details of my trip (WHICH WAS AWESOME), I have a more pressing matter to discuss. One that happened while I was gone.

So usually, when people sit in the same seats for like two months, you'd think they would keep them right? Well, a large portion of my class completely changed their seating arrangements. This is what my class looked like before Beijing.

This is what my class looked like upon my return (I missed three days total).

Sometimes, in class, I imagine shaving off Spanish kid's dreads. You can't go halfies with those. You either have a full head, or none at all. The main reason it looks so awful is because the rest of his head is buzzed. Except for those nine dreads. I know 9 is a symbol of power in China... but I really doubt those are the source of his powers.

Here's what most probably happened.

*cough*

The Spanish girl and the Korean had a budding romance, ever since the Spanish girl (who used to sit where the Stans are) moved to the other side of the room. They fell deeply in love, sharing notes and drinking milk tea under the radiance of the moon.

Meanwhile, the Mexicans had to sit next to each other, because they were obligated to. Their fathers were both into the business of selling pirated copies of The Golden Girls and to quell the fighting that had happened between their families for generations, they sat next to each other.

But slightly younger Mexican had a thing for the 9 dreaded man. His dreads were rumored to contain the powers of all the nine kingdoms of the world, and within each dread lay a hidden kungfu technique. Younger Mexican wanted all of this. But Slightly Older thought this was a childish notion, and told Slightly Younger there were better fish in the sea. Slightly Younger merely scoffed, drawing sketches of him drinking from his water bottle, which he frequently did (probably because he partied every night).

But wait! All this time, it turned out Spanish girl was merely USING the Korean (who claims he's really Brazilian) to make Spanish man jealous! The Korean found out, because one night he walked in on the Spanish girl and Boy holding hands. His heart broken, he moved to the back before the Besties had time to claim their territory.

Then, it was discovered that Spanish Boy was two timing Spanish girl! Slightly Younger Mexican girl had ALSO found a way into his heart! Once the two girls found out, they made sure to keep their knowledge of this hidden from Spanish man, and formed a sacred bond to steal the powers that are contained within each one of his dreadlocks. It's only a matter of time.

African dudeman just moved because there's someone to sit next to.

This might not be 100% accurate, but I'm pretty sure it's 75% accurate. Korean and Spanish girl probably weren't drinking milk tea under the moon. I just added that cause I'm obsessed with this milk tea place, and am determined to stuff the shop in my suitcase when I get back to the states.

So have fun with your life and stuffs people. Til next time.

Purgatory is a Standing Only Train Ride

Before I delve any further into what may have been the most horrendous  transportation experience I have ever had and hope to ever have, I want to share something exciting with you.

I ordered lunch in Chinese, and milk tea in Chinese. The fact I can order pearl milk tea in Chinese (and I even asked for it hot!) makes me so happy, you don't even know.

Alright. Train ride from hell time.

Well this past week was National Week, which is basically China's "independence day". Except instead of it being a day it's a whole week. So everyone goes off traveling into the mountains, or Shanghai, or Temple of Time... but China has a massive population. So imagine EVERYONE in China traveling at the same time.

So basically since we didn't have classes this week, me and two other girls in our group (Tayler and Carey) decided it would be a great idea to travel to Xi'an to see the Terracotta Army. I mean, we're in China. Why not? Who knows when we would get to see them again? This was the chance of a life time!

Well we managed to get a sleeper train on the 20 hour train ride there. It was so comfortable, because you're basically just sitting in a bed the entire time. Granted you have to sleep with your stuff by your head cause it's sort of a public area (also, you have to get used to the feeling of people watching you as you sleep... cause they are). But once it got to 11 PM, they turned off the lights in the car and everyone just went to bed. There was a man two bunks up who was snoring like no tomorrow, but luckily I packed earplugs that could drown out even the apocalypse... so I had one of the best sleeps ever. Ten hours passed without my knowing it, cause I was sleeping.

Well we eventually got to Xi'an, and our first order of business was obtaining the return tickets back to Hangzhou. Once we reached the booth, we asked if they had any sleepers.

Then she uttered the most horrible sounding words that have ever reached my ears.

"Only standing. No sitting, no sleeping. Just standing."

That phrase continued to ring in my subconscious as I handed over my 168 RMB. I heard her voice as we went off to do a bit of shopping. As we fell asleep in our hotel beds. Her voice found its way into my dreams, woke me up the morning we had to leave. Was there when I saw the Terracotta Soldiers (don't worry I got some sweet pictures). Then finally. The moment of truth.

The train ride.

First, before I describe it, let me say one thing. In my ignorant world where Matthew Bellamy isn't dating Kate Hudson, and Doctor Who truly exists and it's only a matter of time before I get a chance to travel the galaxies with him, I imagined this "standing car" to look a certain way. I figured it would be a car completely void of seats, or anything. But we would have room to sit. Granted, we would have to sit on out suitcases, but that's alright.

Reality soon crushed that false expectation.

We were sentenced to stand in a car. That had seats. Seats we couldn't sit in. Seats that were already paid for. We had to stand in the aisles. Some people had to sit in the bathrooms (by bathroom, I mean a room with a squatter toilet that opened up to the train tracks. You could only go while the train was moving. Yes it smelled.). There was barely any room in the aisles. Like a foot maybe. A cart with magazines would pass every time we stopped, then every 30 minutes. A cart with food would soon follow. Then a cart with drinks and snickity snacks would soon follow. Then a man selling toys would pass. Then a man who had to lock/unlock the doors (who happened to be somewhat HEFTY mind you) had to pass. Then people who bought ramen had to pass to get hot water. Then people had to pass who wanted to smoke. Soon after, people who had to refill their water bottles. Soon after that, people had to use the bathroom.

Does it sound like I'm being redundant? Cause that's what the 8 hours standing felt like. Luckily we didn't have to stand that entire time because some people got off at a train stop, and offered us their seats. I think they went out of their way to give them to us cause we were girls, we were white, and everyone else who was standing was an older Chinese dudeman. We managed to get slightly more comfortable. But then, the night crawlers settled in.

Nightcrawler (n.)
1. Someone who has been lurking in the corners of the train, waiting for a moment in which a spot in the aisle opens up.
2. Odorous humans who spit, and have no concept of personal space.
3. A homo sapien that may induce vomiting and the inability to consume any food for 9 hours.

It was about midnight. I was just able to get comfortable. Usually my left leg will cramp up really bad unless I'm able to keep it straight (let me remind you that getting up to walk was nigh impossible, because you literally had to step on people to get to the bathroom, then force people who were standing in the bathroom  because there was no other room anywhere else to move out for a moment). I had just curled my legs under my seat because I had them stretched out for a while, when he came. The man with the yellow sack. Don't set that down. Please don't set it down. Then he set down the massive yellow sack to allow a cart to pass. Don't place it horizontal on the floor. I need my leg space. Don't take that away from me in my last 10 hours on this train. He then placed the sack down horizontally, sat on it, and made this horrendous hacking sound and a massive tidal wave of spit gushed forth from his mouth, about 8 inches from my face, onto my floor.

And that was when my appetite left me for the rest of the train ride.

The rest of the ride was basically filled with moments where I thought an hour had to have passed or something. But in reality, it was 2 minutes. Two minutes. Also, what should have been a 20 hour train ride was really a 23 hour train ride. I was beginning to convince myself I would be stuck on that train for the rest of my life, and there was nothing I could do.

But then, outside the window, I saw the word "Hangzhou".

I was home, and this horrible nightmare of a train ride was already beginning to be blocked out with the help of my subconscious.

If anyone ever tries to top that story, I will be forced to unfriend you. Not just on facebook, but in real life.