Purgatory is a Standing Only Train Ride

Before I delve any further into what may have been the most horrendous  transportation experience I have ever had and hope to ever have, I want to share something exciting with you.

I ordered lunch in Chinese, and milk tea in Chinese. The fact I can order pearl milk tea in Chinese (and I even asked for it hot!) makes me so happy, you don't even know.

Alright. Train ride from hell time.

Well this past week was National Week, which is basically China's "independence day". Except instead of it being a day it's a whole week. So everyone goes off traveling into the mountains, or Shanghai, or Temple of Time... but China has a massive population. So imagine EVERYONE in China traveling at the same time.

So basically since we didn't have classes this week, me and two other girls in our group (Tayler and Carey) decided it would be a great idea to travel to Xi'an to see the Terracotta Army. I mean, we're in China. Why not? Who knows when we would get to see them again? This was the chance of a life time!

Well we managed to get a sleeper train on the 20 hour train ride there. It was so comfortable, because you're basically just sitting in a bed the entire time. Granted you have to sleep with your stuff by your head cause it's sort of a public area (also, you have to get used to the feeling of people watching you as you sleep... cause they are). But once it got to 11 PM, they turned off the lights in the car and everyone just went to bed. There was a man two bunks up who was snoring like no tomorrow, but luckily I packed earplugs that could drown out even the apocalypse... so I had one of the best sleeps ever. Ten hours passed without my knowing it, cause I was sleeping.

Well we eventually got to Xi'an, and our first order of business was obtaining the return tickets back to Hangzhou. Once we reached the booth, we asked if they had any sleepers.

Then she uttered the most horrible sounding words that have ever reached my ears.

"Only standing. No sitting, no sleeping. Just standing."

That phrase continued to ring in my subconscious as I handed over my 168 RMB. I heard her voice as we went off to do a bit of shopping. As we fell asleep in our hotel beds. Her voice found its way into my dreams, woke me up the morning we had to leave. Was there when I saw the Terracotta Soldiers (don't worry I got some sweet pictures). Then finally. The moment of truth.

The train ride.

First, before I describe it, let me say one thing. In my ignorant world where Matthew Bellamy isn't dating Kate Hudson, and Doctor Who truly exists and it's only a matter of time before I get a chance to travel the galaxies with him, I imagined this "standing car" to look a certain way. I figured it would be a car completely void of seats, or anything. But we would have room to sit. Granted, we would have to sit on out suitcases, but that's alright.

Reality soon crushed that false expectation.

We were sentenced to stand in a car. That had seats. Seats we couldn't sit in. Seats that were already paid for. We had to stand in the aisles. Some people had to sit in the bathrooms (by bathroom, I mean a room with a squatter toilet that opened up to the train tracks. You could only go while the train was moving. Yes it smelled.). There was barely any room in the aisles. Like a foot maybe. A cart with magazines would pass every time we stopped, then every 30 minutes. A cart with food would soon follow. Then a cart with drinks and snickity snacks would soon follow. Then a man selling toys would pass. Then a man who had to lock/unlock the doors (who happened to be somewhat HEFTY mind you) had to pass. Then people who bought ramen had to pass to get hot water. Then people had to pass who wanted to smoke. Soon after, people who had to refill their water bottles. Soon after that, people had to use the bathroom.

Does it sound like I'm being redundant? Cause that's what the 8 hours standing felt like. Luckily we didn't have to stand that entire time because some people got off at a train stop, and offered us their seats. I think they went out of their way to give them to us cause we were girls, we were white, and everyone else who was standing was an older Chinese dudeman. We managed to get slightly more comfortable. But then, the night crawlers settled in.

Nightcrawler (n.)
1. Someone who has been lurking in the corners of the train, waiting for a moment in which a spot in the aisle opens up.
2. Odorous humans who spit, and have no concept of personal space.
3. A homo sapien that may induce vomiting and the inability to consume any food for 9 hours.

It was about midnight. I was just able to get comfortable. Usually my left leg will cramp up really bad unless I'm able to keep it straight (let me remind you that getting up to walk was nigh impossible, because you literally had to step on people to get to the bathroom, then force people who were standing in the bathroom  because there was no other room anywhere else to move out for a moment). I had just curled my legs under my seat because I had them stretched out for a while, when he came. The man with the yellow sack. Don't set that down. Please don't set it down. Then he set down the massive yellow sack to allow a cart to pass. Don't place it horizontal on the floor. I need my leg space. Don't take that away from me in my last 10 hours on this train. He then placed the sack down horizontally, sat on it, and made this horrendous hacking sound and a massive tidal wave of spit gushed forth from his mouth, about 8 inches from my face, onto my floor.

And that was when my appetite left me for the rest of the train ride.

The rest of the ride was basically filled with moments where I thought an hour had to have passed or something. But in reality, it was 2 minutes. Two minutes. Also, what should have been a 20 hour train ride was really a 23 hour train ride. I was beginning to convince myself I would be stuck on that train for the rest of my life, and there was nothing I could do.

But then, outside the window, I saw the word "Hangzhou".

I was home, and this horrible nightmare of a train ride was already beginning to be blocked out with the help of my subconscious.

If anyone ever tries to top that story, I will be forced to unfriend you. Not just on facebook, but in real life.