Who's that Pokemon?

I hate summer. I hate the heat. I hate when I feel like I'm melting. I hate humidity. I hate feeling like I can't breathe. I hate that no matter how many freaking layers you aren't wearing, you still feel like the sun is oppressively breathing down your neck, daring you to walk around naked.

I hate it ALL.

However, there are SOME things I like about summer. And by that, I mean like three things tops. (Don't hold me to that. I don't really know how many things I like, but I'm pretty sure I can count them on one hand, maybe one and a half hands. Or maybe one thumb.)

So, today, I will share one thing I like about summer.

Name: Cicada
Type: Bug
Class: Insecta
Ability: Shed Skin
Experience at level 100: 1,000,000
Evolves from nymph to adult: level 5

I always forget that I love cicadas. That summer isn't all that bad, because when you hear a cicada it's like hearing childhood calling. It's like that moment in Land Before Time when Littlefoot meets Ducky, or in Lost when Charlie stopped doing drugs, or like the first time I saw Muse in concert, or like the-

Dear Lord I can get off on long tangents. ANYWAYS

I heard a cicada today while sitting in church, which is why this post is devoted solely to their existence. Now, rambling aside, here are some super cool facts I didn't know about the cicada.

Fact #1: Their "song" is so loud, that it could cause permanent hearing loss in a human being if they were close enough to one's ear.

Fact #2: In Japan, the cicada represents re-birth.

Fact #3: Around 220 species of cicada have been identified in Australia.

Fact #4: Cicada's eat (drink?) the sap from trees. Nymphs drink xyxlem from the roots of trees (whatever the crap that is).

Fact #5: The species will hatch their eggs, out in the open, usually in a moist area. They then wait for unsuspecting humans to walk by, inspect the egg, and at this point the crab-like nymph will jump out of the egg, latching itself onto the face of the homo sapiens. By this point it is too late for the human to do anything, because once the nymph has latched onto the face of its prey it is at this point that the real "bug" will crawl down the throat of the human, and wait in its stomach. Once the human has regained consciousness and has a false sense of security, it is at this point that the creature will pop OUT of the humans bowels, thus putting not only their victim but any humans around in a state of shock. It is at this point that the creature is at its weakest, but it uses this element of surprise to shock the humans before they realize they must destroy the creature, giving it able time to hide and grow at an alarming rate.

Don't question fact 5. Embrace it. You'll thank me later. Really. You will.