A 22-Year-Old's Zombie Survival Guide

There was a Walking Dead marathon this past weekend (during which a sweepstakes was held in which one could win a stagger on role as a zombie. Fingers crossed people.), and between commercial breaks they asked questions concerning zombies...

...which in turn inspired the following blog post which concerns REAL issues that could potentially/realistically occur.

So read on, and I apologize for my sudden obsession with zombies. I'm not even kidding.

It's just good to be mentally prepared, you know?

Ideal Base
If I had all options open to me, I'd want to live in a solar powered airship with a garden on board.

Unfortunately, I don't think I'll find myself in a Final Fantasy universe or a movie from the mind of Miyazaki... so I'd have to say a lighthouse. It's a lookout tower, plus you could easily pick off the zombies as they come up the stairs. Lighthouses are also fairly difficult to climb, so they'd probably give up halfway. Also, its location makes it a prime candidate for feasibly escaping to the sea.

Weapon(s) of Choice
Ideally, the portal gun from the game Portal would be most excellent.

You could transport yourself, a friend, or a zombie to a different location. However, the portal gun isn't going to kill zombies (also, if we're going to be real here, it needs moon rock in order to function properly). That being said, I'd want the weapon Lightening uses in Final Fantasy XIII: the Blazefire Saber. It's useful for long range and short range because it's a sword and a gun in one. What is there not to like?!

Realistically though? I'd probably carry a sword, like a katana or something. It's quiet, so it won't attract other zombies. Plus, since it's bound to cut through more surface area than an axe you could theoretically hack through several zombie limbs at once. Although I'd also want to stock up on flares and grenades - anything to distract zombies from my location.

Soundtrack
Let's face it, who wouldn't want to listen to some kind of playlist while slaughtering zombies? It's akin to listening to a workout playlist... except instead of annihilating the stairmaster you're annihilating what used to be human beings... but pffft minor details people.

Muse - Survival 
It's an entire song about fighting, and surviving. Muse telling me to survive is all I need to keep me going.

Super Junior - Sexy, Free, and Single
Technically, the song's about freedom (of zombies - in my head at least, I haven't read the translation yet)... and I mean I've been single for the past 22 years of my life and I doubt a zombie apocalypse is going to change anything. I'll embrace my singleness fully when the world falls apart.

That's all I really have for now. I swear this section's sole purpose wasn't to promote a new song by two groups I happen to like. Pffft. I would never do that. Ha.

Team
Personally, I think five is a good number. It's not too small or too large, and you can easily fit in a car if need be. If characters from all realms/realities of fiction were at my disposal, my team of awesome-osity would be as follows:

Isaac Clark from Dead Space

I mean, the guy took on two games worth of necromorphs (with a third game on the way), and those things are far worse than zombies. Not only are they re-animated bodies, but they're re-animated bodies with extra limbs, acid, and horrible regenerative powers making it nigh-impossible to survive. Isaac is also a dependable human being, and wouldn't pull a Shane on me.

Toph Bei Fong from Avatar: The Last Airbender

How is she not an asset?!
1. She's an earthbender, meaning she can manipulate earth.
2. In Season 2 Episode 19, Toph learns how to bend metal.
3. By sensing vibrations in the ground, Toph can determine if enemies are nearby.
4. Using all the above abilities, she could create a base/fight off zombies/save the world.

(Granted, it would be much simpler if I were also an earth bender... but my time will come. Maybe.)

Lightening from Final Fantasy XIII

Lightening's my favorite protagonist out of all the Final Fantasy games I've played, and she knows how to kick serious butt. I would have chosen Cloud, but that guy's too emo, and I honestly don't know what a zombie outbreak would do to him mentally/emotionally.

The Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who

Let's be real here - if the Doctor were here, he'd figure out a way to revert the zombie outbreak.
Not only that, the dude's smart. He'd be the brains of our group/the Timelord who saves planet Earth yet again.

Unfortunately, it's highly unlikely that the zombie outbreak will occur within the recesses of my brain.

That being said, I'd probably want to stick with whatever family members were left, try to team up with various friends from Houghton, and you know if Muse happens to be around why not have them join my party? Specifically (I really hope this doesn't creep the following person out, if he's reading this), I'd want Cameron Thibault to be part of my central group. That kid can forage (A skill many people, including myself lack. The kid knows how to cook dandelions, people. Dandelions.), and he was part of my Highlander group before college (for those who don't know, Highlander is a 10 day hiking trip you can take as a freshman/transfer in the Adirondacks before classes start). Our group called him Chuck Norris - for good reason.


Sooo I'll end my blogpost with this: Cameron, if you're reading this, and a zombie outbreak happens, call/text/Facebook message/smoke signal me. Chelsea Ellis can also be part of our group if that would make you happy. Although the two of you recently divorced on Facebook, so that may or may not strain you emotionally.

To everyone else, pick your outfits carefully. Think to yourself, would I wear this during a zombie attack? Or even, do I feel comfortable not changing/bathing for the next couple of days in this? Keep a pack nearby, so you can stuff clothes in it if need be. Going to the supermarket? Bring an emergency backpack, and some zombie survival gear. Just in case.

Always be prepared people.

Always.