Growing Old is Getting Old

When I was young, I wanted to be a number of things. Among them were a: ballerina, explorer, zookeeper, first woman President (don't ask me why, it was a weird time in my life), ballerina teacher, astronaut... etc. That is, until I read the first three Harry Potter books when I was 10. I realized that the summer before my 11th birthday I would probably be getting my owl to Hogwarts. When I didn't get it, I figured I was just going to get it the next summer, because maybe the age cutoff was weird in the wizarding world. When I didn't get it, I just figured I was a squib, because I would much rather be a squib than a muggle.

I feel like when I was younger, I had such a better grasp on what I wanted to do, and was way more motivated than I am now. It probably doesn't help that I played a massive amount of video games during highschool and had the concept of future job possibilities diluted by Final Fantasy characters and the two disc saga that is Tales of Symphonia (I played through that game. So. Many. Times.).

Now that I've almost finished college, I feel like my concept has changed even further. When I was a highschooler, I was super introverted and shy and self conscious and honestly didn't have many friends. I'm still introverted, but not in the same way.

Seeing as how I'm getting way off on a tangent here, I'm gonna go back to my MAIN point.

I'm a senior in college.

I have only a month left.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

But you know what? That's ok. Hopefully, if we're able to find an apartment (WHICH WE WILL.) I'll be living with two of my housemates (Kate and Chelsea. It's gonna be da bomb diggidy) next year, for who knows how long in Rochester. Although I didn't get another job I really wanted  (Wesley ServiceCorps), I also realize if this works out, I'd be super ok with that.

Planning out my life is such a drag. When things just randomly work out (which is basically every moment of my life), that's when I realize It's pointless to plan things out, and just realize things will work out eventually. I mean, a part of me sometimes wishes I could go back in time and talk to my 8 year old self, and ask her what she wants to do with her life. Eight year old Brittany would probably say something like go to the Temple of Time, find the sages, defeat Ganondorf... and you know what? That would be okay with me.

Everyone gets so freaked out about what comes next, and if we're ever gonna see each other again.

Life doesn't end when college ends. I've loved every year at Houghton for various reasons, but I also realize I don't want to spend the rest of my life here. I've grown a lot as a person since I was a freshman, and I'm thankful for that. Although I don't have any definite plans, I know things will work out. Interesting/weird life moments don't have to stop once college does. They'll keep happening.

And when college ends it's not like all your friends just die in a hole or something. I'll still talk to people. People who were important in your life don't just stop talking to you. But sometimes, you have to make the extra effort to keep in contact with those people. Which is exactly why I'm excited I at least get to (possibly. we WILL find an apartment) still continue living in Western New York.

Introverted high school Brittany probably never would have expected to be doing this after college. Eight year old me would have thought I'd be living with my best friend at the time Michelle, because I mean we sketched out a map and everything detailing where our beanbag chair would go.

I don't care that I'm not going to grad school, or have some job rescuing orphaned sea turtles or something. Everyone does something different with their life. I don't care about making a name for myself, all I care about is whether I'm happy. And I can say that right now, I'm happy about who my friends are, who introverted high school Brittany would have been too intimidated to talk to/ let alone be friends with.

I feel fairly confident about what comes after graduation, because life can only get more interesting from here on out.

Embrace Your Inner Geek/Dork/Nerd

There comes a time in every person's life... when this one question crosses his/her mind.

What in the crap do people think of me.

With that in mind, I have this backpack I bought in Beijing, China.

My friend Guiliani took this when we were in Beijing. You have every right to be jealous.

By backpack, I mean "Awesome-backpack-that-will-never-be-as-awesome-as-your-lowly-boring-backpack-that-probably-didn't-cost-you-a-measly-8-dollars-like-mine-did. Whatchya gonna do?! Nothing! Cause your backpack will never be this cool EVERRRRR."

Lately, when I'm walking about Houghton, I keep having conversations that go somewhat like this with passing students/faculty:

Nameless stranger: "Aaww your backpack is so cute?"
Me: "Oh thanks! You love Miyazaki's movies too?"
Potential new BFFL: "Who's that?"
Me: "My Neighbor Totoro? He made it. My backpack is Totoro."
Newfound Enemy: "What's a Totoro?"

And that's where the conversation ends.

I'm realizing... I'm very lucky to have found the friends I've found who do like Totoro, and other dorky things. My friend Rachel gave me a pin a week ago whose logo is from the Watchmen.

Here is visual aid for the less fortunate e.g. you.

Someone saw it and was like:

Stranger: "Cute pin!"
Me: "Oh you've seen/read the Watchmen?"
Stranger: "The what?"
Me: "The Watchmen... this isn't a normal smiley face, there's blood on it."
Yet another enemy who is now staring at me strangely: "Oh...."

I feel like, deep in the recesses of everyone's brains, they're probably thinking "You know, there's someone out there for all of us. I'm sure Brittany will find someone. Someday."

I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY. JUST BE MORE GEEKILY AWARE PEOPLE. GO WATCH AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER OR SOMETHING.

EXPAND YOUR IMAGINATION.